2011 was a good year. It may have been great if certain events hadn't occurred, but hey they did... so ya...
I can't say that it was a terrible year because of it either-because some pretty dang awesome things happened as well.
Here is a summary of the year-one big event per month...
January- went to a cabin with my family. It was the first vacation we had had in quite some time. It was so much fun to play in the snow! I loved it SO much! We played in the snow and just hung out in a cute little cabin. Seriously it was fantastic!
February- I started my final semester of dental hygiene school! Um... Yay!
March- I took my first (and somewhat most intense) board exam-anesthesia! For those of you who don't know... basically you have to shoot someone up with anesthetic while a few board examiners in white jackets hover over you and watch. Scary stuff. However, my Dad gave me a blessing that I will be calm, and I was! I had a very steady hand and my mom was a great patient. I thought I failed at first, but then I didn't... It was awesome!
April-I took 2 of my written boards... Longest tests ever! Left the exams thinking... "Uh... crap?!" Obviously it turned out fine-I just didn't know for a couple weeks.
May- Um freak! I took my clinical board. I was so scared my patient wouldn't qualify, but he did and I got 100% (not to brag or anything)! Then I took my jurisprudence and passed it... Then I freaking GRADUATED! Hellz ya! (excuse my french)
June- I got my license and started working! I survived my first day! The peeps I worked for had NO idea I had just graduated! That's definitely a compliment!
July- OH JULY! So much good came out of July and then at the very end of the month it made a 180... So July... First I went to CA w/Darlene, Marshelle, and Cait for the 4th... It was a lot of fun! However, I remember feeling like I shouldn't go, but went anyway... I wasn't sure why until a few weeks later when my Dad died and I realized that would have been the last holiday together... except I wasn't there. It's hard to say that Heavenly Father knew that things were going to go down that He didn't want.... But... I don't know... That's the only reason I feel like I would have had that feeling not to go.... Anyway that same week I took another spontaneous trip to California w/Michelle. It was one of the best trips ever! We were watching SYTYCD and decided... hey lets get in the car and go to San Diego (her mom and brother were there, so we figured we'd meet up with them). It was a freaking BLAST! We rolled in around 2am. Played the whole next day (on Coronado Island l<3ve it) and drove home the morning after. That day I went with my Dad to talk cars w/Dad's client Frank who was an independent car broker... And one thing led to another... I bought my beautiful red Toyota Matrix! You read about it here. Then just a couple weeks later, I had one of the greatest days at work... It was a Friday, I worked with my friends Kaija and Teresa, cleaned a VERY cute guys teeth... we had good conversation while waiting for the exam... he was seriously dreamy... Of course everything was kept professional, it was just nice to talk to a super attractive guy! It was such a great day... until the drive home when Mary called and told me what happened... Then everything just kinda went crazy in my head... thinking "No way..." "Please don't be dead" "There's no way he actually did it" That was the longest ride home of my life... trying to keep my eyes clear so I could actually see while driving... Trying to not go into hysterics while attempting to process the words that Mary said... Very bluntly stating that that my dad had shot himself... Gee how can anyone take those words in and drive home safely? Poor Mary wasn't thinking... really how could any of us be thinking straight after hearing news like that? I finally got home and saw the billions of cop cars in front of my house and the huddle of cops standing in a circle in front of my door... and every strain of hope was gone... even though I still had to ask my mom for sure if he was gone... Haha sorry I watched Grey's Anatomy last night, and it tugged on my heart strings, specifically the ones that are attached to my dad. Anyway... so that was July.
August- Uh... Dad's funeral? August was pretty blah.
September- Went to California w/my siblings y mi madre. It was a great trip! We went to the beach and spent time with the Brewer family. It was fantastic-just what the doctor ordered.
October- General Conference. Got my Droid X2. Went to Las Vegas with some of the greatest people I know (Sarah, Dave and Brian) and saw the Lion King (FANTASTIC show btw). Sent Deborah on her mission! HALLOWEEN: greatest costume ever+the best haunted house experience (AZ scream park with no lines and great friends)=awesome Halloween!!
November- went to UT for my beautiful cousins wedding, turned 22, went to DISNEYLAND w/the fam (such a blast), and THANKSGIVING: everyone was in town on my moms side w/the exception of my Utah cousins, but I got to see them early in the month so it was ok... It was such a great Thanksgiving!
December- worked, worked, worked, and worked some more... Dance concerts, Sarah's fancy dinner party, Wadsworth family Christmas Party, Blewster Family Christmas Party, CHRISTMAS (Christmas Eve my uncle rented a party bus and we all drove around looking at Christmas lights, got to talk to Deborah... read Hunger Games... It was Fantastic!)...
NEW YEARS EVE: was great! Spent it with great friends playing games and eating. What more could you need? Seriously it was great!
I feel like year, 2012, is going to treat me well! Here is what I'm excited for!
January 13th- Beauty and the Beast in THEATERS! Wow.. Just a week away. I'm so thrilled!
March 23rd- HUNGER GAMES hits theaters! Seriously!? I can't even... I'm just... UGH! STOKED!
April-Conference! AND hopefully (crossing fingers) I'll be moving out!
Summer/Fall-ish... Putting a stamp on my passport!?
December- The Hobbit! Definitely dressing up as an elf... or maybe a hobbit. It will be grand.
And throughout the year I plan on dating a lot... aka... I plan on putting myself out there more and hopefully getting dates in return...
Sorry for the long post! I guess towards the end there I couldn't pick just one thing/month... too many cool things happened from OCT-DEC. I'm really excited for this year! Lots of good came out of last year. I grew a lot in several ways. But. This year. I will grow even more and its going to be good! I feel it in my bones!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Fall Thus Far
So here is fall so far... All of the pictures are from my phone, so you must forgive the poor quality. Also.. its all jumbled and out of order. I would take the time to fix it, but then I wouldn't get this posted. So here goes!
My lovely grandparents, ma and german chocolate cake-delish!
Sarah and Dave, 2 of my favorite people!
Mi Familia! First birthday with Deb out on her mission, and my first birthday without Dad here. Ok so yesterday was my 22nd birthday. As much as I love birthdays (why do I always want to be older? I do not know... when I was 8- I wanted to be 12, when I was 12 I longed to be 16, when I was 16 my desire was to be 18, and when I was 18 I wanted more than anything to not have "teen" in my age... I'm weird.)... I don't like being the center of attention. When its my family, sure. I love it. But when I'm around friends and everything I hate it! Especially when its celebrating me. Maybe its my lack of self esteem? I'm not really sure. Anyway, so as usual I didn't plan anything for my birthday. Oh ps in case you are thinking "oh I'll plan a surprise party for ya next year..." please don't. I've had like... 2-3 in the last 8 years. I think I'm good until I'm at least 29. Anyways... So I didn't plan anything except to go eat my free Joe's Farm Grill with mi madre and go get my birthday present... BOOTS! (featured in a picture somewhere below) I vegged out like I usually do when I can't think of anything better to do on my days off, but this time I didn't feel guilty about it. Its my birthday and I do what I want to! I went to hip hop, then had bday dinner w/the fam, bday cake/ice cream w/the fam+Sarah and Dave and then went to FHE. After FHE I went to Michelle's and watched Bride Wars. Ok so I didn't do much watching. I fell asleep like I usually do when I go to her house to watch anything... must be her couch.
^Somewhere in UT or AZ. Beautiful none-the-less...
Over the weekend I went to UT with my Grandparents and Aunts to celebrate ^Whitney and Sams wedding. Whitney is my amazing cousin and the first in the Blewster line to get married. Hopefully I'm next... or Deb. It was beautiful, cold, and a very busy weekend, but totally awesome!
Congratulations Whitney and Sam!
*Sad Side Note: I really missed my Dad. I think one of the hardest things is thinking about all that he won't be here for... my wedding especially. Who is going to dance with me during the Father/Daughter dance? Whenever I went to weddings before he died I thought about that dance... Mostly because we weren't very close when he was alive... But now I feel closer to him then ever, and I just wish he could be here physically, not just in spirit, on that special day-if and when it comes.*
Oh here's Rachel and Mom at Joe's.
Now for Halloween.... I was freaking awesome. This is one Halloween costume I'm extremely proud of! Let me tell you, those who knew who I was appreciated it immensely, as I knew they would. Have you figured it out? I'm GILLY! I know-awesome right?
Ok before I continue I must tell you my goal for the this, my favorite time of year (Oct 1st-Jan 1st):
Enjoy every last second and embrace the season!
Halloween: check!
I went to 2 haunted houses and partied like it was 1999. I had a blast this year!
Me and Rachel. Awe she's so stinkin' cute! Funny story:
We were in the car on our way home from Joe's and DSW when we
told her, "Rachel you are so stinkin' cute."
Her reply?
"I'm not cute. I'm gorgeous!"
Baha! She is a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e.
Happy birthday to me from me! I re-read Matched and read
Crossed for the 1st time on the way back from Utah. Loved it!
Boots=So Cute!
Also something (or someone) who is cute? Justin Bieber. There I said it.
Mom bought me Never Say Never on Blu-Ray for my birthday.
No I did not ask for it.
No I did not ask for it.
Yes I am very happy she got it for me.
What DVD did I ask for?
Monte Carlo-featuring Selina Gomez-JB's girlfriend ironically enough.
Yes I am 22.
Oh and before I forget... Debs left on her mission Oct 12th! She's at the MTC right now, but sh'ell be heading to Des Moines in a few weeks. She has been learning Spanish! Holla!
You want updates? You want to write her? She'd love it!
Check out her blog here.
Ok welp! That's all I've got for now!
Oh and for all you Hunger Games fans who for some reason haven't watched the official trailer... Watch it right now! You will cry and be really upset that you have to wait 4 months.
But oh muh fish it looks fantastic!
Seriously... I'm dying!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Oh Hey Roxbury Frames
DISCLAIMER: This post may paint me as someone who is super shallow or conceited. I assure you that I am neither.
These are my new glasses. I picked them up the beginning of August AND I LOVE THEM!
But I'm not here to just tell you that they are way cuter than my old frames (old, oval, brown, cheap), or that they cost me an arm and my favorite toe (yes I have a favorite toe but that's a subject for another day). I'm here to tell you about their amazing ability to attract those of the opposite sex.
That's right. Boys.
I'm pretty confident that when I brush the contacts aside and become four eyes for the night, the guys actually talk to me! Who'd a thought simply wearing glasses would get the guys attention? Definitely not this girl!
Ok so maybe they don't say, "Oh hey! I like your glasses! Can I have your number?"
However, conversations like this go down:
Man/Guy/Boy: Oh hey! Your glasses are super fly.
Me: Oh why thank you! They are real. (Side Note: I like telling people they are real... there's nothing wrong with wearing fake glasses and I don't have anything against people who do... I personally would feel dumb wearing glasses just as a fashion statement with no solid reason. I actually need them and I think that makes me cooler... just sayin)
Man/Guy/Boy: Oh sweet. I need to get glasses.
Me: Did you want to try them on? (Side Note: Maybe not the most sanitary thing... but... I only use this as a way of flirting w/the really attractive boys)
Man/Guy/Boy: Cool... *puts on glasses*... How do I look? (Side Note: Perfect opportunity for me to flirt some more)
Me: *insert compliment here*
This compliment maybe something like... "Oh they look great with your facial hair." Or (as I look deeply in their eyes) "You are one of only a few people who can really pull them off." (Side Note: That may be an exaggeration... these glasses actually look good on pretty much everyone. On the other hand, they look especially spicy on guys with strong jaw lines and a 5 o'clock shadow...mmm...) Or "Dang son, you look smokin'!"
So in conclusion, my precious Roxbury frames provide me with several opportunities to flirt it up with boys AND they get me compliments... Which in turn gives me more confidence, and if you know me at all, you know that I have the confidence of a gecko (no not the Geico gecko who confidently talks to America about saving 15% or more on car insurance... I'm referring to the geckos who hang out on the walls of my house (outside on the front porch, haha not inside the house). All you have to do is walk up and they scurry to a hiding spot as quickly as possible). Last night I gave out my number to two guys (I'll add that they asked for it). Yes, TWO! I think I'll be wearing these babies more often.
These are my new glasses. I picked them up the beginning of August AND I LOVE THEM!
But I'm not here to just tell you that they are way cuter than my old frames (old, oval, brown, cheap), or that they cost me an arm and my favorite toe (yes I have a favorite toe but that's a subject for another day). I'm here to tell you about their amazing ability to attract those of the opposite sex.
That's right. Boys.
I'm pretty confident that when I brush the contacts aside and become four eyes for the night, the guys actually talk to me! Who'd a thought simply wearing glasses would get the guys attention? Definitely not this girl!
Ok so maybe they don't say, "Oh hey! I like your glasses! Can I have your number?"
However, conversations like this go down:
Man/Guy/Boy: Oh hey! Your glasses are super fly.
Me: Oh why thank you! They are real. (Side Note: I like telling people they are real... there's nothing wrong with wearing fake glasses and I don't have anything against people who do... I personally would feel dumb wearing glasses just as a fashion statement with no solid reason. I actually need them and I think that makes me cooler... just sayin)
Man/Guy/Boy: Oh sweet. I need to get glasses.
Me: Did you want to try them on? (Side Note: Maybe not the most sanitary thing... but... I only use this as a way of flirting w/the really attractive boys)
Man/Guy/Boy: Cool... *puts on glasses*... How do I look? (Side Note: Perfect opportunity for me to flirt some more)
Me: *insert compliment here*
This compliment maybe something like... "Oh they look great with your facial hair." Or (as I look deeply in their eyes) "You are one of only a few people who can really pull them off." (Side Note: That may be an exaggeration... these glasses actually look good on pretty much everyone. On the other hand, they look especially spicy on guys with strong jaw lines and a 5 o'clock shadow...mmm...) Or "Dang son, you look smokin'!"
So in conclusion, my precious Roxbury frames provide me with several opportunities to flirt it up with boys AND they get me compliments... Which in turn gives me more confidence, and if you know me at all, you know that I have the confidence of a gecko (no not the Geico gecko who confidently talks to America about saving 15% or more on car insurance... I'm referring to the geckos who hang out on the walls of my house (outside on the front porch, haha not inside the house). All you have to do is walk up and they scurry to a hiding spot as quickly as possible). Last night I gave out my number to two guys (I'll add that they asked for it). Yes, TWO! I think I'll be wearing these babies more often.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Adele Likes To Sing To My Soul
When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye,
Not a single word was said.
No final kiss to seal any seams.
I had no idea of the state we were in.
-Adele, Don't You Remember
Line one: Its something I think about everyday. When will I see Dad again? I know where (Heaven-in case you were wondering) but when? I don't know. But I'm genuinely anxious to know..even though I won't know ahead time.
Lines two and three: I'm frustrated. Why didn't he say goodbye? Why didn't he stash a note somewhere, reminding us that its not our fault and that he does love us? Everything is still surreal. In some moments I just can't believe it... still...
Line four: I had no idea that his depression was that bad. No hint of understanding his state of mind.
On a happier note. I'm ready to meet new people and start a new chapter in my life I would like to call "Dating: A Quest for Marriage". Ok that's a little over-the-top-lets-not-be-too-crazy-ridiculous... but hey. I'm ready to date. Marriage? Ya sure. Eventually. But dating? Yes. Of course who knows if the guys will step up... but I know I'm going to. I'm going to start putting myself out there, since I haven't really for almost 2 years. It's about time don't ya think?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Twelve Pages and Counting
There is something therapeutic about writing things down on paper.
I don't know what it is, but the way words go from your brain, down to your finger tips, and onto the paper is magical.
I love writing with a good pen. A pen with ink that flows just right (not too runny so that it smudges, not so dry that it scratches).
I've been doing a lot of writing in my journal lately. Not as much as I'd like. I wish that I could write for hours, but I can't for several reasons. One, my hand gets tired after an hour or so. Two, I just have not had time.
Some people may say, "Well, Silly, how about you just type everything up?"
Nope. It's not the same as writing it down. Typing isn't nearly as formal, and it seems so impersonal.
I have written twelve pages, and I still have probably a hundred to go.
What am I writing about?
I'm writing about a man who left this earthly life on July 29 of this year. I'm writing about all of the significant events that have occurred since then. I'm writing down every sweet text message, email, conversation that I can remember. I'm writing down any and every memory that I have of my dad. Then, when I'm missing him and I'm in a dark place, I can go back and read about all the nice things people said and did, about the good times we had with him, and about the hope that I have right now for the future. Right now, I'm at twelve pages, and I've only covered the first twenty four hours...
Dad suffered from depression his entire life. He went througha lot hell growing up-those precious, critical, first few years of his life he was abused and neglected (among other things). No wonder he had so many problems. I only wish that I had understood Dad's physical and mental pain while he was here. Depression is like cancer or any other serious illness, but no one seems to get it. Everyone thinks (I did too for a time, until now) depression is a choice-that people can and should just take a pill and get over it. However, it's not that easy. Sometime the depression goes into remission, just like cancer. You see a ray of hope and you feel like everything is fine. Then (sometimes) it comes back, and takes all the light away. Depression ended up taking the light of life out of my Dad.
Someone brought over Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with two pages doggy eared. This person has suffered from depression and felt that J.K. Rowlings words describing Dementors, described depression perfectly...
My poor dad.
I have been "incredibly strong" through the past two and a half weeks. That's what they tell me anyway. But in quiet moments, when I'm alone, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. Those moments are quick-just a few short seconds and then I'm OK again. I know that the only reason I have been strong is because of those of you offering up prayers to our love Father in Heaven in behalf of me and my family. We have been completely overwhelmed by the amount of love and support (both physical and emotional) that has been poured out over us. This entire experience has been extremely bitter, but equally sweet. Things are definitely looking up, despite the long road of "moving on" ahead of us.
Thank you all for everything you have done, and no doubt will continue to do, for my family.
XOXO
Tori
I don't know what it is, but the way words go from your brain, down to your finger tips, and onto the paper is magical.
I love writing with a good pen. A pen with ink that flows just right (not too runny so that it smudges, not so dry that it scratches).
I've been doing a lot of writing in my journal lately. Not as much as I'd like. I wish that I could write for hours, but I can't for several reasons. One, my hand gets tired after an hour or so. Two, I just have not had time.
Some people may say, "Well, Silly, how about you just type everything up?"
Nope. It's not the same as writing it down. Typing isn't nearly as formal, and it seems so impersonal.
I have written twelve pages, and I still have probably a hundred to go.
What am I writing about?
Dad suffered from depression his entire life. He went through
Someone brought over Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with two pages doggy eared. This person has suffered from depression and felt that J.K. Rowlings words describing Dementors, described depression perfectly...
"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth.
They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair,
they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them.
Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them.
Get too near a dementor and every good feeling,
every happy memory will be sucked out of you.
If it can, the dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soul-less and evil.
You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.
And the worst that happened to you, [Dad], is enough to make anyone fall off their broom.
You have nothing to feel ashamed of." (p.187)
My poor dad.
I have been "incredibly strong" through the past two and a half weeks. That's what they tell me anyway. But in quiet moments, when I'm alone, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. Those moments are quick-just a few short seconds and then I'm OK again. I know that the only reason I have been strong is because of those of you offering up prayers to our love Father in Heaven in behalf of me and my family. We have been completely overwhelmed by the amount of love and support (both physical and emotional) that has been poured out over us. This entire experience has been extremely bitter, but equally sweet. Things are definitely looking up, despite the long road of "moving on" ahead of us.
Thank you all for everything you have done, and no doubt will continue to do, for my family.
XOXO
Tori
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