oh haiiii

Why hello blogosphere! It's been a long while. Muh bad! Lot's has happened the last few months! I've seen and experienced new things as of late, like tacos al pastor and 110 foot skyscrapers. That's right! I went to Chicago AND Mexico! I had so much fun this summer! I feel so blessed to have been able to go on these wonderful trips and spend time with some of the greatest people I know. 

Before Chicago I got to spend time with my family in Colorado! Love them! I love my Aunt Jessica, Uncle Mike and their BEAUTIFUL (and I mean b-e-a-utiful) girls!

I went to Chicago with Sarah, Dave and Ryan. So happy they invited me!

SOOO glad we were here the weekend of Taste of Chicago! You spend $8=12 tickets and you go around to different food booths/vendors and get fooooood! A big fat food fair? My kinda party. The picture below is some DELICIOUS fried ravioli-mmmm mmm tastey town!

Buckingham Fountain

SkyDeck (see the lovely grandma sock? I got a stress fracture the week before... cool? no. not at all)

At Giordano's waiting for the GREATEST stuffed pizza I've ever had (Ok, the only stuffed pizza I've ever had)

Navy Pier 

Foot Massages on the Metra

Chicago, IL Temple (more on the LDS religion here)

Went to a Cubs game at the infamous Wrigley Field! Guess who they were playing?

The AZ Diamondbacks! Definitely a perk. 

Getting ready to hop on the "L". 

Cloud Gate aka THE BEAN!

Navy Pier Ferris Wheel

Check out the Beautiful Chicago Skyline

Gorgeous I tell you! One of the highlights of the trip was most definitely the architecture tour. 

The other highlight?.... 

...Seeing SUE the largest, most complete T-Rex skelly in the world! The Field Museum was

 UH-MAZING! I loved every second spent there! Its official, I love museums!

Oh and I love dinosaurs. They're sweeeeet!

This is Sue's real head. It was too heavy to be displayed with the body. So cool!

Dave was a wonderful camera man.... We literally have hundreds of pictures of buildings! The architecture and history of Chicago is very cool. Did you know it's called the "Windy City" because of its long-winded politicians? Also it's FREAKING expensive to live there, especially river front property.  

Mexico was great too.  It was like 100* with 100% humidity, aka disgusting! But I stayed in my swimmy suit all day err'day, so it was doable. Highlights: resort right on the beach, tacos, shopping, paletas, tacos, relaxing on the hammocks, burritos the size of your arm, phase 10 in the fort, paletas, pina coladas by the pool side.... Oh heck the whole trip was a highlight! Loved every minute!

Other quick updates: My BFF Michelle left on her mission. My sister will be home in 9 months (half-way baby)! Mary graduated and is now in beauty school at EAC. My brother Will is at EAC.  That means only 4 kiddos left in mi madres house. Cuh-razy!

To Whom It May Concern

Today has been one of those days that I'm sure 93% of single girls get every once in awhile...

One of those "Wow I'm really depressed that I'm still single and not even remotely close to dating anyone.... I want to eat all that I can possibly fit in muh bellah and watch depressing movies like 'P.S. I Love You' or 'Charly'... This week I'm going to the gym 5 times and washing my hair more than 3 times and eating one salad a day so I feel like a desirable woman even though 24 hours ago I felt totally fine... What is wrong with me?" kind of days....


Maybe its the fact that I have had a recent list of 15+ Facebook reception/bridal shower/baby shower invites. Maybe its the fact that 4 couples stood up in church to announce their recent engagements. Maybe its because I watched Zac Efron on the big screen yesterday in "The Lucky One" and the whole time wished I was Taylor Schilling. Maybe its the fact that I really haven't dated anyone seriously in... way too long.... Maybe its hormones. 


Regardless what the cause is, today I really dislike the Single Life. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll go back to normal... just living life and not complaining. But for now I'm going to wallow in self pity, eat a bowl of Blue-Bell Moolenium Crunch ice cream (our household favorite) and live vicariously through the life of some fictional heroine, like Elizabeth Bennet. 


As for the title of the post... This song by the Civil Wars is a favorite... mostly because it applies to me and every other single woman out there...


To Whom It May Concern by The Civil Wars

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to beHow long will you make me wait?I don't know how much more I can takeI missed youBut I haven't met youOh but I want toHow I doSlowly counting down the daysTill I finally know your nameOoo the way your hand feels round my waistThe way you laughThe way your kisses tasteI missed youBut I haven't met youOh but I want toHow I do, How I doI've missed youBut I haven't met youOh I missed youI haven't met youOh but I want toOh how I want toDear whoever you might beI'm still waiting patiently. 

Um I love them! And despite my current state of impatience, I 98% of the time I am waiting patiently for my one and only. The guy who will accept every flaw, appreciate all my quirks and bad habits, love me unconditionally for eternity and who will raise me up when I get down. Whether its in this life (crosses fingers) or the next, I have faith in the Lord's timing. It will happen when it is suppose to. I'm grateful for all that I have; I am truly blessed!



P. S. Totally different topic... But my 3 year old sister told her Primary teachers that she didn't need to be in class last week when they were learning about the Resurrection. When they asked her why, she said her Daddy died and she already knew that he would come back to life again. Wow! So all those times she would ask where he was and we'd explain it, she was listening! The Gospel is true!

Movin On

Hey so guess what? I moved out! Finally-right? I've moved in with some of the greatest girls around! I'm thrilled to be here. It's a smokin' deal and in a great location-not too far from home and still close to everyone I love. I know, I know, I probably won't be able to move far away for awhile... Probably not til I'm either 1-married or 2-28+ and still single. (I figure I'll give good ol' AZ another 5-6 years before I try another highly populated LDS singles location-like DC or dare I say it... UT). My hopes are that I can stay here forever while I'm single. And if that means I literally will be here forever because I'm not meant to marry in this lifetime-so be it. Ok I'm rambling. I'm done now.

Anyway so I love living here! I'm hoping I'll be better at exercising/eating healthy.... so far... eh... not doing so well. But I've only been officially here for like... 5 days. And I've still got some organizing to do. I'll probably do more exercising/eating healthy when I have time to sit down and plan meals and such. For now I'll stick to my Moo-lenium Crunch ice cream and homemade cilantro hummus. Both of which are healthy.

I love my family! I love my friends! I am really lovin' life!

PS please keep my precious old dog in your prayers... I know... silly. BUT he turns 11 this month and he's been sick. We don't know what he has, because we are too poor to take him to a vet, and at this point its not really worth it since he's so old. He has what appears to be a tumor and/or abscess on the side of his face, he smells really bad and he coughs/sneezes blood. =( Our poor Hoss! We plan on putting him down, but we don't have the emotional strength/don't want to put him down while he's still moving, eating, wagging his tail when we call his name and not really showing that he's in pain. We are praying that we will know when the time is right...

K thanks bye!

RESTORE AMERICA

So sometimes I get super pumped about politics... With primaries around the corner, I can't help but put my two cents in. We HAVE to exercise our right to vote! And we should do our part by doing a little research. Watch the presidential debate from tonight. Read the Constitution of the United States of America. The Preamble states: 

We the people in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and ensure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our prosperity do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. 

I typed that out by heart (thank you to School House Rock). The Founding Fathers wrote the Constitution for our benefit. It gives us our freedom peeps!

That being said... PLEASE read up on Ron Paul for HE IS THE DEFENDER OF THE CONSTITUTION! 

For realz... He is one of few politicians who sticks to his guns and doesn't flip flop. If you're ever curious as to how he would vote on certain issues, just ask yourself if it supports the Constitution? He is my hero and hands down my favorite candidate! I hope you all put faith in your votes! Every vote counts!!! 

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!! LET FREEDOM RING!!!!!

ok I'll get off my political soap box and go to bed... =)

Letter from Dad

Since I'm moving out soon (oh I don't think I've mentioned that... well I'm moving out hopefully in a month... anyway...) I decided to go through a box full of letters I've saved over the years. Most of them are from missionaries, some from friends or cousins, sweet notes from YW leaders... Then I found one letter from my Dad. It's not dated, so I have no idea when he wrote it. But I'll have you know he didn't write very many notes to me. My mom wrote a lot in behalf of my dad and herself, but this letter was written to me from him. Don't worry I cried. And I'm still crying. It's been 6 months and I miss him just as much as if it were yesterday.

Thank heavens I could still read it (despite the water damage... oh and don't mind the big fat tear stain).

It reads: 

"Dear Tori, 

     I just want to let you know how special you are to me. yes I know I never tell you often enough but I'm going to change that. 

     Tori you are the most driven child we have. When you wake up your mind to do something you make it happen. This will help you go far in life and makes me feel great as a father too. 

     Now of course you are beautiful and smart, you get this from me, unless mom is close by, then you better say it comes from her. 

     Tori I'm not just saying this because I'm your father. I hear this from a lot of people. You can do just anything you want. 

     I'm proud to call you 'daughter'. 

Love, Dad "

Now if that's not a tender mercy, I don't know what is! This is the highlight of my day.. probably week. I'm so grateful for the Plan of Salvation and the wonderful Gospel of Jesus Christ! I know I'll see my sweet Dad again. 

For more about my testimony click here. For more about the LDS church click here. 

You want to read a good book? Allow me to recommend...

I have discovered in the last 1.5 years or so that I love reading. There are so many great books out there (fiction and non-fiction) and I'm so grateful for the ability to read them-AND for friends who have the same taste and recommend great books!

You want to read a good book? Allow me to recommend:

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

A Novel Written By: Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

"January 1946: Writer Juliet Ashton recieves a letter from a stranger, a founding member of the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Sociaety. And so begins a remarkable tale of the island of Guernsey during the German occupation, and of a society as extraordinary as its name." 

(found on the back of the cover)

There are 2 kinds of good books: the kind that you can't put down and the kind that are, for lack of a better word, great, but you can easily walk away to do normal human things like shower or sleep (we won't talk about what I become whenever I read books that I can't put down). 

I just finished a book that falls into the latter category. It was refreshing to be able function while reading a book! It took me a little while to get into it, but totally worth it. 

The characters in this book are fantastic! I want to be friends with them. The writing is superb-I laughed, cried and then laughed again. 

This is probably one of the most vague book reviews you've ever read, but I'm running out of steam haha. In all seriousness, this book is really a great read!  

Oh and I just googled it to get ^ that picture... and guess what? They are making a movie! 2013 and Kate Winslet is playing the heroine- Juliet Ashton. I approve!

Other books I've read within the last year that I recommend: 

*The Help by Kathryn Stockett

*The Wednesday Wars by Gary Schmidt

**Matched  by Allie Condie (just googled apparently Disney bought the rights to make a movie out of it)

Crossed by Allie Condie (2nd book in Matched trilogy)

*****Hunger Games Series (if you haven't read these... what's your problem?) by Suzanne Collins

**Divergent by Veronica Roth

Austenland by Shannon Hale

*=great book
**=freaking couldn't put it down!
*****=my favorite!
no star=good

2011 Summed Up

2011 was a good year. It may have been great if certain events hadn't occurred, but hey they did... so ya...

I can't say that it was a terrible year because of it either-because some pretty dang awesome things happened as well.

Here is a summary of the year-one big event per month...

January- went to a cabin with my family. It was the first vacation we had had in quite some time. It was so much fun to play in the snow! I loved it SO much! We played in the snow and just hung out in a cute little cabin. Seriously it was fantastic!

February- I started my final semester of dental hygiene school! Um... Yay!

March- I took my first (and somewhat most intense) board exam-anesthesia! For those of you who don't know... basically you have to shoot someone up with anesthetic while a few board examiners in white jackets hover over you and watch. Scary stuff. However, my Dad gave me a blessing that I will be calm, and I was! I had a very steady hand and my mom was a great patient. I thought I failed at first, but then I didn't... It was awesome!

April-I took 2 of my written boards... Longest tests ever! Left the exams thinking... "Uh... crap?!" Obviously it turned out fine-I just didn't know for a couple weeks.

May- Um freak! I took my clinical board. I was so scared my patient wouldn't qualify, but he did and I got 100% (not to brag or anything)! Then I took my jurisprudence and passed it... Then I freaking GRADUATED! Hellz ya! (excuse my french)

June- I got my license and started working! I survived my first day! The peeps I worked for had NO idea I had just graduated! That's definitely a compliment!

July- OH JULY! So much good came out of July and then at the very end of the month it made a 180... So July... First I went to CA w/Darlene, Marshelle, and Cait for the 4th... It was a lot of fun! However, I remember feeling like I shouldn't go, but went anyway... I wasn't sure why until a few weeks later when my Dad died and I realized that would have been the last holiday together... except I wasn't there. It's hard to say that Heavenly Father knew that things were going to go down that He didn't want.... But... I don't know... That's the only reason I feel like I would have had that feeling not to go.... Anyway that same week I took another spontaneous trip to California w/Michelle. It was one of the best trips ever! We were watching SYTYCD and decided... hey lets get in the car and go to San Diego (her mom and brother were there, so we figured we'd meet up with them). It was a freaking BLAST! We rolled in around 2am. Played the whole next day (on Coronado Island l<3ve it) and drove home the morning after. That day I went with my Dad to talk cars w/Dad's client Frank who was an independent car broker... And one thing led to another... I bought my beautiful red Toyota Matrix! You read about it here. Then just a couple weeks later, I had one of the greatest days at work... It was a Friday, I worked with my friends Kaija and Teresa, cleaned a VERY cute guys teeth... we had good conversation while waiting for the exam... he was seriously dreamy... Of course everything was kept professional, it was just nice to talk to a super attractive guy! It was such a great day... until the drive home when Mary called and told me what happened... Then everything just kinda went crazy in my head... thinking "No way..." "Please don't be dead" "There's no way he actually did it" That was the longest ride home of my life... trying to keep my eyes clear so I could actually see while driving... Trying to not go into hysterics while attempting to process the words that Mary said... Very bluntly stating that that my dad had shot himself...  Gee how can anyone take those words in and drive home safely? Poor Mary wasn't thinking... really how could any of us be thinking straight after hearing news like that? I finally got home and saw the billions of cop cars in front of my house and the huddle of cops standing in a circle in front of my door... and every strain of hope was gone... even though I still had to ask my mom for sure if he was gone...  Haha sorry I watched Grey's Anatomy last night, and it tugged on my heart strings, specifically the ones that are attached to my dad. Anyway... so that was July.

August- Uh... Dad's funeral? August was pretty blah.

September- Went to California w/my siblings y mi madre. It was a great trip! We went to the beach and spent time with the Brewer family. It was fantastic-just what the doctor ordered.

October- General Conference. Got my Droid X2. Went to Las Vegas with some of the greatest people I know (Sarah, Dave and Brian) and saw the Lion King (FANTASTIC show btw). Sent Deborah on her mission! HALLOWEEN: greatest costume ever+the best haunted house experience (AZ scream park with no lines and great friends)=awesome Halloween!!

November- went to UT for my beautiful cousins wedding, turned 22, went to DISNEYLAND w/the fam (such a blast), and THANKSGIVING: everyone was in town on my moms side w/the exception of my Utah cousins, but I got to see them early in the month so it was ok... It was such a great Thanksgiving!

December- worked, worked, worked, and worked some more... Dance concerts, Sarah's fancy dinner party, Wadsworth family Christmas Party, Blewster Family Christmas Party, CHRISTMAS (Christmas Eve my uncle rented a party bus and we all drove around looking at Christmas lights, got to talk to Deborah... read Hunger Games... It was Fantastic!)...

NEW YEARS EVE: was great! Spent it with great friends playing games and eating. What more could you need? Seriously it was great!

I feel like year, 2012, is going to treat me well! Here is what I'm excited for!

January 13th- Beauty and the Beast in THEATERS! Wow.. Just a week away. I'm so thrilled!
March 23rd- HUNGER GAMES hits theaters! Seriously!? I can't even... I'm just... UGH! STOKED!
April-Conference! AND hopefully (crossing fingers) I'll be moving out!
Summer/Fall-ish... Putting a stamp on my passport!?
December- The Hobbit! Definitely dressing up as an elf... or maybe a hobbit. It will be grand.

And throughout the year I plan on dating a lot... aka... I plan on putting myself out there more and hopefully getting dates in return...

Sorry for the long post! I guess towards the end there I couldn't pick just one thing/month... too many cool things happened from OCT-DEC. I'm really excited for this year! Lots of good came out of last year. I grew a lot in several ways. But. This year. I will grow even more and its going to be good! I feel it in my bones!

Fall Thus Far

So here is fall so far... All of the pictures are from my phone, so you must forgive the poor quality. Also.. its all jumbled and out of order. I would take the time to fix it, but then I wouldn't get this posted. So here goes!

My lovely grandparents, ma and german chocolate cake-delish!

Sarah and Dave, 2 of my favorite people!

Mi Familia! First birthday with Deb out on her mission, and my first birthday without Dad here. Ok so yesterday was my 22nd birthday. As much as I love birthdays (why do I always want to be older? I do not know... when I was 8- I wanted to be 12, when I was 12 I longed to be 16, when I was 16 my desire was to be 18, and when I was 18 I wanted more than anything to not have "teen" in my age... I'm weird.)... I don't like being the center of attention. When its my family, sure. I love it. But when I'm around friends and everything I hate it! Especially when its celebrating me. Maybe its my lack of self esteem? I'm not really sure. Anyway, so as usual I didn't plan anything for my birthday. Oh ps in case you are thinking "oh I'll plan a surprise party for ya next year..." please don't. I've had like... 2-3 in the last 8 years. I think I'm good until I'm at least 29. Anyways... So I didn't plan anything except to go eat my free Joe's Farm Grill with mi madre and go get my birthday present... BOOTS! (featured in a picture somewhere below) I vegged out like I usually do when I can't think of anything better to do on my days off, but this time I didn't feel guilty about it. Its my birthday and I do what I want to! I went to hip hop, then had bday dinner w/the fam, bday cake/ice cream w/the fam+Sarah and Dave and then went to FHE. After FHE I went to Michelle's  and watched Bride Wars. Ok so I didn't do much watching. I fell asleep like I usually do when I go to her house to watch anything... must be her couch.

^Somewhere in UT or AZ. Beautiful none-the-less... 

Over the weekend I went to UT with my Grandparents and Aunts to celebrate ^Whitney and Sams wedding. Whitney is my amazing cousin and the first in the Blewster line to get married. Hopefully I'm next... or Deb. It was beautiful, cold, and a very busy weekend, but totally awesome! 

Congratulations Whitney and Sam!

*Sad Side Note: I really missed my Dad. I think one of the hardest things is thinking about all that he won't be here for... my wedding especially. Who is going to dance with me during the Father/Daughter dance? Whenever I went to weddings before he died I thought about that dance... Mostly because we weren't very close when he was alive... But now I feel closer to him then ever, and I just wish he could be here physically, not just in spirit, on that special day-if and when it comes.*

Oh here's Rachel and Mom at Joe's. 

Now for Halloween.... I was freaking awesome. This is one Halloween costume I'm extremely proud of! Let me tell you, those who knew who I was appreciated it immensely, as I knew they would. Have you figured it out? I'm GILLY! I know-awesome right? 

Ok before I continue I must tell you my goal for the this, my favorite time of year (Oct 1st-Jan 1st):

Enjoy every last second and embrace the season! 

Halloween: check!

I went to 2 haunted houses and partied like it was 1999. I had a blast this year!

Me and Rachel. Awe she's so stinkin' cute! Funny story:

We were in the car on our way home from Joe's and DSW when we

told her, "Rachel you are so stinkin' cute."

Her reply? 

"I'm not cute. I'm gorgeous!"

Baha! She is a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e.

Happy birthday to me from me! I re-read Matched and read 

Crossed for the 1st time on the way back from Utah. Loved it! 

Boots=So Cute!

Also something (or someone) who is cute? Justin Bieber. There I said it. 

Mom bought me Never Say Never on Blu-Ray for my birthday.
No I did not ask for it. 

Yes I am very happy she got it for me. 

What DVD did I ask for? 

Monte Carlo-featuring Selina Gomez-JB's girlfriend ironically enough. 

Yes I am 22.

Oh and before I forget... Debs left on her mission Oct 12th! She's at the MTC right now, but sh'ell be heading to Des Moines in a few weeks. She has been learning Spanish! Holla!

 You want updates? You want to write her? She'd love it! 

Check out her blog here.

Ok welp! That's all I've got for now!

Oh and for all you Hunger Games fans who for some reason haven't watched the official trailer... Watch it right now! You will cry and be really upset that you have to wait 4 months.

But oh muh fish it looks fantastic!

Seriously... I'm dying!

Oh Hey Roxbury Frames

DISCLAIMER: This post may paint me as someone who is super shallow or conceited. I assure you that I am neither.

These are my new glasses. I picked them up the beginning of August AND I LOVE THEM!

But I'm not here to just tell you that they are way cuter than my old frames (old, oval, brown, cheap), or that they cost me an arm and my favorite toe (yes I have a favorite toe but that's a subject for another day). I'm here to tell you about their amazing ability to attract those of the opposite sex.

That's right. Boys.

I'm pretty confident that when I brush the contacts aside and become four eyes for the night, the guys actually talk to me! Who'd a thought simply wearing glasses would get the guys attention? Definitely not this girl!

Ok so maybe they don't say, "Oh hey! I like your glasses! Can I have your number?"

However, conversations like this go down:

Man/Guy/Boy: Oh hey! Your glasses are super fly.
Me: Oh why thank you! They are real. (Side Note: I like telling people they are real... there's nothing wrong with wearing fake glasses and I don't have anything against people who do... I personally would feel dumb wearing glasses just as a fashion statement with no solid reason. I actually need them and I think that makes me cooler... just sayin)
Man/Guy/Boy: Oh sweet. I need to get glasses.
Me: Did you want to try them on? (Side Note: Maybe not the most sanitary thing... but... I only use this as a way of flirting w/the really attractive boys)
Man/Guy/Boy: Cool... *puts on glasses*... How do I look? (Side Note: Perfect opportunity for me to flirt some more)
Me: *insert compliment here*

This compliment maybe something like... "Oh they look great with your facial hair." Or (as I look deeply in their eyes) "You are one of only a few people who can really pull them off." (Side Note: That may be an exaggeration... these glasses actually look good on pretty much everyone. On the other hand, they look especially spicy on guys with strong jaw lines and a 5 o'clock shadow...mmm...) Or "Dang son, you look smokin'!"

So in conclusion, my precious Roxbury frames provide me with several opportunities to flirt it up with boys AND they get me compliments... Which in turn gives me more confidence, and if you know me at all, you know that I have the confidence of a gecko (no not the Geico gecko who confidently talks to America about saving 15% or more on car insurance... I'm referring to the geckos who hang out on the walls of my house (outside on the front porch, haha not inside the house). All you have to do is walk up and they scurry to a hiding spot as quickly as possible). Last night I gave out my number to two guys (I'll add that they asked for it). Yes, TWO! I think I'll be wearing these babies more often. 

Adele Likes To Sing To My Soul

When will I see you again?

You left with no goodbye,

Not a single word was said.

No final kiss to seal any seams.

I had no idea of the state we were in.

-Adele, Don't You Remember

Yes this is meant to be about a breakup... However I've found a more personal, applicable interpretation (since I haven't had a recent breakup). I discovered this meaning as I was on my way to work... I was thinking about my dad.
Line one: Its something I think about everyday. When will I see Dad again? I know where (Heaven-in case you were wondering) but when? I don't know. But I'm genuinely anxious to know..even though I won't know ahead time.
Lines two and three: I'm  frustrated. Why didn't he say goodbye? Why didn't he stash a note somewhere,  reminding us that its not our fault and that he does love us? Everything is still surreal. In some moments I just can't believe it... still...
Line four: I had no idea that his depression was that bad. No hint of understanding his state of mind.

On a happier note. I'm ready to meet new people and start a new chapter in my life I would like to call "Dating: A Quest for Marriage". Ok that's a little over-the-top-lets-not-be-too-crazy-ridiculous... but hey. I'm ready to date. Marriage? Ya sure. Eventually. But dating? Yes. Of course who knows if the guys will step up... but I know I'm going to. I'm going to start putting myself out there, since I haven't really for almost 2 years. It's about time don't ya think?

Twelve Pages and Counting

There is something therapeutic about writing things down on paper.

I don't know what it is, but the way words go from your brain, down to your finger tips, and onto the paper is magical.

I love writing with a good pen. A pen with ink that flows just right (not too runny so that it smudges, not so dry that it scratches).

I've been doing a lot of writing in my journal lately. Not as much as I'd like. I wish that I could write for hours, but I can't for several reasons. One, my hand gets tired after an hour or so. Two, I just have not had time.

Some people may say, "Well, Silly, how about you just type everything up?"

Nope. It's not the same as writing it down. Typing isn't nearly as formal, and it seems so impersonal.

I have written twelve pages, and I still have probably a hundred to go.

What am I writing about?

I'm writing about a man who left this earthly life on July 29 of this year. I'm writing about all of the significant events that have occurred since then. I'm writing down every sweet text message, email, conversation that I can remember. I'm writing down any and every memory that I have of my dad. Then, when I'm missing him and I'm in a dark place, I can go back and read about all the nice things people said and did, about the good times we had with him, and about the hope that I have right now for the future. Right now, I'm at twelve pages, and I've only covered the first twenty four hours...

Dad suffered from depression his entire life. He went through a lot hell growing up-those precious, critical, first few years of his life he was abused and neglected (among other things). No wonder he had so many problems. I only wish that I had understood Dad's physical and mental pain while he was here. Depression is like cancer or any other serious illness, but no one seems to get it. Everyone thinks (I did too for a time, until now) depression is a choice-that people can and should just take a pill and get over it. However, it's not that easy. Sometime the depression goes into remission, just like cancer. You see a ray of hope and you feel like everything is fine. Then (sometimes) it comes back, and takes all the light away. Depression ended up taking the light of life out of my Dad.

Someone brought over Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with two pages doggy eared. This person has suffered from depression and felt that J.K. Rowlings words describing Dementors, described depression perfectly...

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. 

They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, 

they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. 

Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. 

Get too near a dementor and every good feeling, 

every happy memory will be sucked out of you.

 If it can, the dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soul-less and evil. 

You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life. 

And the worst that happened to you, [Dad], is enough to make anyone fall off their broom. 

You have nothing to feel ashamed of." (p.187)

My poor dad.

I have been "incredibly strong" through the past two and a half weeks. That's what they tell me anyway. But in quiet moments, when I'm alone, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. Those moments are quick-just a few short seconds and then I'm OK again. I know that the only reason I have been strong is because of those of you offering up prayers to our love Father in Heaven in behalf of me and my family. We have been completely overwhelmed by the amount of love and support (both physical and emotional) that has been poured out over us. This entire experience has been extremely bitter, but equally sweet. Things are definitely looking up, despite the long road of "moving on" ahead of us.

Thank you all for everything you have done, and no doubt will continue to do, for my family.
XOXO
Tori

Before I dive into this post, I should probably let you know how I've been with those projects I posted about last time...

Um... I... haven't... really... started....

Ok so that's a lie. I did start working on the navy, gold, and white skirt, but it's taking a lot longer then expected. Some day I will be able to whip out skirts and take in dresses like nobody's business... Until that day... I'll just have to learn to buy things that fit.

Ok onto the post....

I made a pretty big purchase last week.... I bought a car! I bought a 2006 Toyota Matrix XR complete with a/c and windows that work (among several other perks-like a sun roof)! Best part? 24400 miles. That's it!

Let's Compare: 

Matrix                        vs.                  Daewoo

A/C                                                               No A/C

Windows that roll down                            Broken window

CD/Mp3/AM/FM Radio                         AM/FM Radio

Fabric Seats                                                   Leather Seats 

Happy Red                                   Old Person Gold 

25+ city mpg, 30-33 hwy mpg                20ish city mpg, hwy mpg=? 

Not about to explode                                     Almost exploded

Cute                                                              Fugly

Ok. Maybe the Daewoo isn't fugly. But in comparison... it is closer to fugly on the cute to fugly spectrum.

Let me tell you, having a car feels great! Those of you who have known me for awhile know that I have been car-less for almost a full year! I hated always having to ask for rides and not being able to do as I pleased because I didn't have a car. I cringe just thinking about that life I lived for nearly 12 months. Honestly Sparkles (2000 Daewoo Leganza-don't hate on the name) lived a long good life, just the last couple of years were rough. But he served his purpose. I definitely preferred him over no car at all.

Now you are probably asking... "If the Daewoo has been dead for almost a year, why is it still in your front yard? Are you guys white trash?"

My response??

Why yes... yes we are... what's it to ya?

Post-Grad Life

I have been the laziest I've ever been in my life the last month! For Realz! Well, sort of. I started doing P90X w/my buddies Michelle and Brian. I have been doing it pretty much every day! Except... this week was rest week and I did just that... rested. Haha I didn't do Kenpo or Cardio X. I did however dance on Monday, yesterday I did yoga, and today I danced and swam. I have definitely noticed some changes going on in muh body. I like it. I like it a lot. The graduated life has been pretty peachy... Especially since I have all this time to read for funzies and watch movies and TV shows. 

I read The Hunger Games series and oh my goodness gracious I loved them!!! I laughed, I cried, I stayed up til 4 am... Don't judge. But seriously these books are incredible. If you haven't read them-you best get started son (or... daughter)! 

When you are done with Hunger Games, pick up Matched. Same general idea... corrupt government with a lot of secrets... awesome yet complicated and heart wrenching love story, but a completely different one at that. I love, love, love this book! I read it awhile ago and its fantastic! 

I'm going to buy/read it again before the sequel Crossed comes out (don't worry... I'll probably pre-order it).

I am really motivated to get the ball rolling on 1-playing the piano and 2-sewing (mostly altering things that I've picked up at thrift stores)...

I got the skirt above from Goodwill for 4 buckaroos! Its a little big so I plan on taking it in and adding the thick black elastic to the top. I am in love with the pattern-isn't it just so fun!? Best part about the skirt... it has pockets!!! I'm excited.

I made the skirt above with my grandma awhile ago. I didn't wear it for several reasons. The main reason was the top ruffle... its shorter than the others. If anything it should be longer than the others. I don't know. It's just bothered me all this time. So i'm going to take out the top layer and put a different one in. Then I plan on sewing white elastic to the top. 

I snagged this dress for $1!! Uno Dolar!! Its sort of big and the sleeves are a little too much for me... I may change my mind once I take it in and add accessories. I love it!!

So stay tuned and you'll see pictures of the finished products.  

PS don't hate on my horrible pictures. The screen on my camera is white/black/cracked. Breaks muh heart.

PSS Happy Fathers Day tomorrow to all dem daddies/future daddies out there! Lots of love to mi padre y mi abuelito! Te quiero mucho! (You like that? Ya-I didn't use google translate for that). 

The last 15 months of my life have been... in a word... a blur. Really. I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it a million times more; I cannot believe that its over (well almost... 1 week from tomorrow is the last day!).

Yesterday was filled with graduation festivities. First pinning, then graduation. I didn't shed one tear, but I came pretty darn close when my good friends Dania and Kara were giving their speech. They were going through all of the students in our group and saying something about them that they will never forget. When Dania said my name and started talking about how I acted that first day of clinic... (which was much like a deer in the headlights)... my eyes swelled up with tears... tears from both laughter and pure amazement at the progress that I have made-really all of us in the program... 

I remember that first day of clinic like it was yesterday. Not much less than a year ago, I was in my first dental materials lab, sitting by Dania and Shalyn. We had only a few hours before our first, real clinic session. That's right. First real appointment. I would be playing dental hygienist and there would be some man, whom I had not ever met before, playing patient. Oh wait. Except we weren't playing anymore. It was real life. I was really about to provide a professional dental cleaning  for a real, living, breathing person.

I was in a daze all through that first class... and lunch... and during our "focus" (something we do before and after every clinic session to tell our instructor and fellow classmates what our goals are for the day, and what actually happened). Seriously. I had like... one bite of my pickle-I was so nervous! I couldn't eat at all. But I remember after meeting my patient, that first patient of mine, all worries and stresses went away (momentarily). He was so nice- I was so blessed! Even though it took me forever, he was nice/patient at every appointment (the fact that it took me 4, 3.5 hour appointments to clean this mans mouth boggles my mind-seriously-what did I do for 14 hours?). 

Yesterday as Dania poked fun at me, I was reminded about how far I've come, how far we've all come!

I remember like it was yesterday being at Sea World with Dar and Chelle and Erica when I found out that I could apply to Rio (my finger-print clearance had come through). How could I forget the day my mom called me at work to tell me that there was a rather large envelope addressed to me from Rio Salado College, School of Dental Hygiene. I made her open it and read it to me. I remember thinking, "Oh my gosh. There is WAY too much paperwork, too many rules, too many assignments to stay afloat! I will never feel comfortable with patients! How will I, Tori Wadsworth, ever get to where THEY [the second years] are?"

Of course I was not the perfect dental hygiene student or fellow classmate. I did not put 110% into my studies, and I was no longer the straight-A student I was used to being... I didn't really open up to everyone till 3rd semester, and I know I didn't become super close friends with a lot of my classmates. Regardless, I still feel close to them. We all just went through a rigorous program together. We all had the same assignments, same patient requirements, same ridiculous projects, same board examinations... We've been through it all together. Despite all of the drama that may or may not have happened, I love every single girl + Kyle in my class! Seriously. To any of you who have read this- I love you and I wish you the best of luck! We did it! Sure enough, we all got to where those second years were! 

Shoot- we are down-right LEGIT RDHs! 

Negligent

Hello all who take time to read my silly little blog! Long time no posts- I know I know- Guilty!

Sorry I've neglected my blog... among several other things.

As some of you may know.... I HAVE FIVE YES FIVE MORE WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT!!!! Oh my how surreal it is! So as you can imagine I have been pret-ty busy as of late. I don't really hang out much. I choose to go running, sleep, and study on the weekends. Thankfully all of my distractions (aka TV addictions) are on break. I'll occasionally attend a social function of sorts, but it's rare. I'm so sad I know that some friendships are probably hanging by threads, but hey, if my friends don't understand that school has to go first right now... then poop. They'll have to get over it.

I took and passed my anesthesia board on March 12th! Oh how joyous it was!!!! Seriously the greatest accomplishment. I was SO SO SO nervous! But I did it!! Woot Woot!!!

Now my stresses are:
-completing several random, unnecessary assignments
-studying for National Boards (I take it April 28th), Process of Care Exam (April 18th), and Jurisprudence Exam (May 10th)
-finding a board patient for my clinical boards (May 9th)
-getting resumes out
-getting in shape for summer in the next 5 weeks since I have sooo much time on my hands =/
-practicing/perfecting the dances for my performance in 2 weeks

I am super freaking out. Especially about National Boards. I don't feel prepared at all! Despite all of the sacrifices I've already made, I still haven't had a lot of time to study. Things keep coming up (assignments, people who need me, family functions, etc.) that take a lot of time/energy.

Since I probably won't be posting anything for a few weeks... You should probably do the following...
-Pray for me
-Pray for me
-aaaand watch this video....

I'm so grateful for the "Kid History" Episodes and the great comic relief they provide for me. If you don't like them.... it's in your best interest to keep it to yourself. Baha I kid I kid... but seriously.

P.S. Feel free to follow me if you want... =)

Nighty Night Playlist

A few nights ago I was having a hard time going to sleep.

I decided to make a "Nighty Night" playlist.

It consists of 4 songs by Iron and Wine.

-Naked As We Came
-Sunset Soon Forgotten
-Love and Some Verses
-Each Coming Night

Please. Listen. Tell me if you don't close your eyes, picture yourself in a meadow with a slight breeze just enough to cool you off from the warm sun thats beating on your skin, and fall asleep. I would be shocked if you don't.

What would be on your "Nighty Night" playlist?

My Thought Process=Pitiful

Before reading this you must promise not to judge me.




Ok so if you're reading this now you promised you wouldn't judge. Whew! Ok so here's my thought process for today that got me from potentially healthy/good student to heffer/lazy bum in less than 40 minutes.

So my goal tonight was to work out after I got home from school and then study.

I put on my shoes, changed clothes, and started the p90x plyometrics workout... 2 minutes into warm up.

My brain says "I shouldn't work out right now. I'm already sore from dancing for 3 hours yesterday... so nbd. You need to study for your test tomorrow anyway."

So I shower.

Then I decide that if I'm going to stay up late studying I need to put more food in my stomach. (late school nights throw me off. I end up having 2 dinners. 1st health. 2nd not so much). Instead of eating a light snack I decide that I need something yummy (aka nothing that is in my pantry/fridge/freezer) even though I had thought to myself when I walked in from school that I didn't need anything junky. I was gonna be good.

So I search in desperation online for the less fatty junk food I could eat (pitiful). Then when I realize that anything worth eating is definitely more than 400 calories I think...

"Forget it! I'm getting whatever sounds delish!"

So I drive to Jack in the Crack and buy myself mozerella sticks, a chicken sandwhich, and a medium DP.

And now it's 10:06 pm and I still haven't studied for my test tomorrow.

coooool.

21 Facts about VKW

1-Fact: I am extremely ecstatic to complete this chapter of my life called hygiene school.

2-Fact: When I entered this chapter of my life I did not watch much TV... About 2 months ago that all changed.

3-Fact: Pretty Little Liars and Vampire Diaries are my guilty pleasures (I don't feel guilty about How I Met Your Mother, The Bachelor, Glee, or Grey's Anatomy, because they are practically universally accepted)

4-Fact: Reading quality books is so much more fulfilling than watching TV.

5-Fact: For the past 6 months songs from The Format, Dashboard Confessional, Frou Frou, and Glee
make up my top 25 songs played on  my iTUNES.

6-Fact: The #1 song played on my iTUNES is Swans by The Format, in 2nd place, we have Total Eclipse of the Heart by Glee Cast, and 3rd Breathe In by Frou Frou.

7-Fact: I love sappy love songs. And totally random ones (example: Human of the Year by Regina Spektor and Come Around by M.I.A.).

8-Fact: P90X will give me the results I want, but I'm too tired (or lazy?) to do it. Bummer.

9-Fact: You know how in the movies, when girls are contemplating life or just trying to unwind from a hard day, or get over a rough break up/fight they light candles and take a hot bubble bath? Let me tell ya... it works! Talk about a stress breaker. Frrrealz.

10-Fact: Reading a book, in a cabin far away from home, when its cold outside, bundled up in a fleece blanket, is awesome!

11-Fact: Ingrid Michaelson's "Be OK" album is superb. I love every single song.

12-Fact: Old Spaghetti Factory is pretty awesome.

13-Fact: Watching snow fall is absolutely breathtaking.

14-Fact: Sometimes I buy jewelry without having anything to wear with it.

15-Fact: Goodwill has some uh-mazing finds... if you keep an open mind (and open eyes).

16-Fact: Jude Law is in a lot of inappropriate movies... but I love to look at him.

17-Fact: My family is absolutely insane/weird/bizarre (I fit in well), but I love them just the way they are.

18-Fact: I love to dance.

19-Fact: I dance for 3 hours straight Monday nights... hip hop, contemporary, jazz... may not seem too difficult but it kills me.

20-Fact: I am slowly (seriously slowly... sluggishly) starting to like myself (the healthy way-not the conceited way).

21-Fact: I am grateful for friends and family who let me know that they love me. It helps me out a lot.

Any facts about yourself you want to share???? I'd love to hear 'em!

Palekaiko: translation: Paradise

So for the sake of needing to post about something new AND to help my readers get to know me better... I decided to post about a place near and dear to my heart.

2 years ago I was in desperate need for an escape. My heart had been broken a couple months earlier... and one month before I was to depart to this magnificent place, it was shattered even more. (maybe I'll blog about that some other day... we will see).

A dear friend of mine was in the same boat... heart broken and hopeless.

Needless to say, this trip was much needed for the both of us.

So on March 16th, 2009, two soul sisters boarded a plane to embark on a journey... a journey across the pacific... to a place that would erase the deep, dark heartache... a place I consider to be Palekaiko: translation: paradise.

Where is that?

The gorgeous island of Maui, HI.

Flying in was the most exciting experience of my life. I have been in love with the ocean ever since I can remember... and ever since I can remember I had always dreamed of going to a tropical island where the water is a crystal clear, deep blue color with the perfect hint of green. Ugh gorgeous! The excitement was greater then my 6 year old brother and 2 year old sister's excitement on Christmas morning combined... times 32. Seriously. I was ecstatic!

The week consisted of me loving every second, feeling nothing but bliss and contentment, and not thinking about how broken my heart was... for it was mended my friends... it was mended the second I took my first breath of fresh, ocean filled Hawaiian air...

I know I look amazing. Don't be jealous.

the moment I saw the sunsetting with all of its majesty, with the outlines of islands popping out of the horizon, and the unforgettable sight of whales breaching in the distance...

the minute I met sea turtles up close and personal (via snorkeling literally 30 feet away from the shore)...

I know we are twinners-unintentional!

the hours spent playing in bamboo, swinging in hanging vines, and swimming around/playing in waterfalls...

where's Michelle?

and of course all my troubles were erased when I took a bite of the best shaved ice I've ever tasted (sorry no picture... biggest mistake-I know)!

To sum everything up... Maui is glorious! This post doesn't even do it justice.... doesn't even come close. My love for life grew on this trip, as did my friendship with Michelle, myself, and of course my love and gratitude for the beauty we are blessed with here on Earth.

Do you see the picture ^... just look at those colors!

The jungle we stumbled across right off the road!

The beautiful sunrise we witnessed early in the morning on our last day.

What a piece of heaven on Earth!

Maui= paradise. It will heal your wounds and free your soul! Seriously, you should go!